infinitenap:
a day in the life
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
HELP, i won ANOTHER free ipad! i had to kick my son out of the house to fill his room with all the ipads. i’m running out of space to put them. why must i be the one to spot the difference 90% of people can’t? why was i the chosen one
partybarackisinthehousetonight:
“tell me when,” the waiter says as he starts grating my parmesan cheese on my pasta. i sit there in silence and watch as the restaurant fills with cheese and suffocates everyone
styleswanky:
“yea or nay” i ask the jury. one by one they all stand up. “nay” they say. tears fill my eyes. the bill will not pass. now my son will never get the education he needs. why did i think a jury full of horses was a good idea