"push! PUSH!" the nurse screams in the delivery room. i can’t believe i’m going to lose a push-up contest in front of my newborn son
i keep seeing the words coffee shop au without knowing what they mean. a coffee shop universe? alternate universe where there are coffee shops. friends, i have some good news for you about this universe that we live in
People look down on McDonald’s employees but fail to realize that if all these folks left McDonald’s and pursued “better careers” your ass wouldn’t be able to get a McDouble with an Oreo McFlurry at 3am.
You can’t demand a service while simultaneously degrading those who provide it for you.
this stick figure has no face so why the fuck can I tell exactly what its feeling
"This isn’t your typical love story…" opens the trailer for a movie about a white, heterosexual, cisgender, able-bodied, middle class, and likely loosely Christian couple who find each other through serendipity and a very small amount of actual work.
Michael Rivero (via fucknobigbrother)
why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
*sighs* because the ‘pee’ is silent
no because it’s dead
Are you a fisherman because I think you’re a reel catch
You spelled real wrong.
Throw this one back into the water boys we’ve got ourselves a city slicker